Angels Are Like That
by Mahler Avatar
Summary: Kim and Ron are about to be married, and their angel/devil avatars are equally excited. But someone else is about to throw a wrench into the the works. Sequel to The Malevolent Dr. Maestro, and a parody of Mozart's Cosi fan tutte. Rated T for innuendo.
1. Act I, Scene 1

_A/N: Welcome to the first installment of my sequel to The Malevolent Dr. Maestro. Since Kim and Ron's angel/devil personae proved to be quite a hit, I've taken campy's excellent suggestion and placed them into a parody of Mozart's comic opera, Cosi fan tutte (sometimes translated as Women Are Like That, or, The School for Lovers). Just a small disclaimer: Cosi fan tutte was considered quite risqué at the time, and to our 21st century sensibilities, rather sexist. So just remember that this is a parody (PA-RO-DY! as Shego would exclaim), and I'll also try to keep things down to T rating. So sit back with your favorite brand of catnip and enjoy this little romp … er, story._

_Standard disclaimers apply: Kim Possible is owned by Disney, Cosi fan tutte is in the public domain, and I make nothing off of this except the joy of writing. And leave a review, get a reply._

* * *

"Well, Kim, the big day is almost here."

With a big grin, Ron Stoppable looked at his fiancée from across the lunch table in Smarty Mart's break room. After becoming high-school sweethearts nearly five years before, they had survived the challenges of balancing work, college, and the even the occasional world-saving sitch. And now, their wedding day was merely weeks away.

With a smile of anticipation, she replied, "Yes it is. Getting nervous yet?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "What, after all the missions we've been on? This'll be a piece of cake in comparison, KP!"

Kim observed, "Yeah, but it'll be _wedding_ cake this time, Ron."

She then gave him a sly look. "And it sounds to me like you're not taking this quite seriously enough, Mr. Stoppable. This is for keeps, you know. No second thoughts? No cold feet?"

He returned her look with one of his own. "Not any more, KP. I had a nice long talk with Mr. Barkin on the phone the other night about how I was feeling, and …"

Kim's jaw dropped. "_What?_ I thought he had encrypted his phone with the latest military technology in order to prevent you from calling him! He even reactivated his enlistment in the army reserve to do just that!"

Ron replied with a slightly smug look on his face. "Yeah, but it turns out that Wade developed that technology for the army in the first place, so, _no big_, as you say."

Kim simply laughed, "Poor Mr. Barkin. Still working at both Middleton High and Smarty Mart, and now you're _his _supervisor here. You've come a long way from your days as the Mad Dog mascot, Ron."

A curious look came over her face. "Just one request though."

Ron immediately looked concerned. "Sure. Just name it, KP."

"Please, no Mad Dog mask or mouth foam on our wedding night? I know your particular brand of humor, and I love you, uh, even in spite of that sometimes. But we've waited a _long_ time, and I want our first time to be special."

Relieved, he easily replied, "I promise, KP. But even though we've waited, that doesn't mean that you've never, uh, _thought_ about it, right?"

Kim offered a weak smile as her face broke out in a ferocious blush.

Ron grinned back with a pleased look. "Yeah, I thought so. _Ah booyah_…"

At that moment, a tiny angelic Kim popped into being, delicately hovering over her right shoulder with graceful white wings. Clothed in a shimmering white cheerleader costume, a tiny halo topped her beautiful mane of striking red hair, the very image of innocence and propriety.

The angel whispered into Kim's ear, "Yeah, and although we've thought about it, we never actually gave in. Although graduation night came pretty close…"

With a look of embarrassment, Kim quickly tried to shush her.

"… so our first time will be very special."

The angel smiled contentedly. "And you'll never have to look back in regret for not waiting, Kim."

Suddenly, Kim's devilish avatar materialized over her other shoulder, breathing heavily. She wore her trademark skin-tight tan bodysuit which was clearly in disarray, and her crimson hair was mussed and tangled. Her mischievous tail flicked back and forth as she brushed the wayward strands out of her face.

"Speak for yourself, Goody-Two-Shoes," she grinned. "You have _no _idea what you're missing. But at least you'll be finding out soon."

The angel placed one hand on her hip as she looked askance at her counterpart. "Oh, really? Were we _interrupting_ anything, Sheela?"

Sheela shot her a scornful look. "Well, _duh!_ What does it look like, _Kimberly_?"

At that moment, Ron's miniature angel appeared with a gentle pop. Similar in appearance to Kimberly, he wagged a finger at the two quarreling females. "Now, now, ladies. No brouhaha over who's getting lucky with whom, especially with our impending mutual nuptials."

Sheela snarked back, "Ooh, such _big _words for such a _small_ angel. Been reviewing Barkin's pop quizzes from high school, Ronnie?"

He replied offhandedly, "Hey Sheela, how's tricks?"

With a tiny flash, the fourth member of the quartet of avatars appeared. Also looking a bit disheveled, he tried to smooth out his wrinkled black and red cape, but with little success. He contented himself by straightening out his purple cap instead and wiping away some smeared lipstick from his faintly glowing blue face.

He glared at the two females. "Well, are you two catty females at it again? And you, Sheela, interrupting our little tête-à-tête just so you can snark at your counterpart? How rude, my pretty kitty. No catnip for _you _tonight."

Kimberly offered a tiny wave at her opposite number's amour. "Hey, Zorpox."

Zorpox replied with a heavy sigh, "Five years, and she _still_ hasn't learned her place."

At that moment, Mr. Barkin entered the break room, and the avatars all disappeared in a tiny puff of smoke.

He gave the young couple a derisive look. "Break's over, Stoppable. Back to work."

Ron calmly replied, "Thanks for reminding me, Mr. Barkin. Which reminds me, I really need to give you your performance evaluation before I leave on my honeymoon. Tomorrow at 10 in my office work for you?"

Barkin visibly paled before stammering back, "Yes, sir. Sorry, Stoppable. Force of habit and all that."

Ron grinned back, "No problemo, Mr. B."

He turned back to his beautiful fiancée. "Well, Kim. Back to work. Catch you later for some Bueno Nacho?"

"Sure, Ron. Sounds spankin.' "

She leaned over to give him a kiss, but Barkin simply folded his arms and gave a loud harrumph.

Kim backed off, realizing that Barkin's old rules on PDA's were also simply a force of habit, and therefore hard to break. Nevertheless, Kim and Ron left the break room arm-in-arm, with a surly Mr. Barkin right behind them.

Ronnie and Zorpox instantly reappeared, but Kimberly and Sheela were nowhere to be found.

Zorpox angrily griped, "Now where did those two go off to now?"

Ronnie muttered, "Uh, I think I overheard them making an appointment for a facial at Dizzy Debbie's Angelic Salon. Something about a two-for-one special."

Zorpox wagged his head in dismay. "Hmm. Those two are so flighty. Fighting like cats and dogs one minute, then oh so kiss-and-make-uppy the next."

Ronnie agreed, "Yeah, but at least we've never had to worry about them fooling around on the side. Once that Junior Prom came around, their minds were made up. And they've stuck with both of us through thick and thin. I don't think there's anyone truer in the whole world than those two."

Zorpox gave him a gratuitous nod. "I'm forced to admit that as well, my sniveling little do-gooder. Of course in Sheela's case, it's probably due to fear. Even if she hasn't, well, learned her place, she surely knows what would happen to her should she … _stray_, shall we say? Ah booyah-hah-hah! But in dear Kimberly's case, she's doing it out of the kindness of her prudishly prim and proper heart.

They were suddenly startled by a loud harrumph from directly behind them. Smartly attired in an immaculately pressed dress blue officer's uniform, a new avatar had appeared.

"All right, people, listen up! Until the wedding, there will be no more angelic _OR _devilish hanky-panky, do I make myself clear?"

Mr. Barkin's avatar gave them both a fearsome look.

Ronnie nervously stuttered back, "Ye-Yes, sir! Absolutely clear, sir!"

Zorpox, however, cocked a questioning eyebrow and asked, "Uh, pardon me for asking, but are you Barkin's good side or his evil side?" He added with a sarcastic sneer, "With him it's so hard to tell."

The avatar snarled back, "Barkin lost his angelic side in a firefight ten clicks west of Zesta Punta over thirty years ago. And that's _Lieutenant_ Barkin to you, Stoppable."

He gave the strangely attired megalomaniac the once over. "Or whoever you are. I couldn't help but hear you two singing the praises of your …" He bit out the next words with great sarcasm. "… _eternal flames_. All women are fickle, and they _will_ let you down at some point. That's simply a fact of life. Guaranteed."

Ronnie countered, "Uh, sorry, but I really don't think so, Lieutenant. A truer girl than Kimberly has never walked the face of the earth. Even, uh, the face of our solar system! In fact, if we include all those star systems that the Lorwardians took over, I have a feeling that …"

Zorpox brusquely interrupted, "What my rhapsodically waxing counterpart is trying to say is, we know our women very well. And in spite of their foibles, inconstancy is not one of them."

Ronnie nodded in absolute agreement. "That's right! _Booyah!_ So what's your problemo, Lieutenant? Get hit by a bus of cheerleaders at Lake Wannaweep when you were in high school or something?"

The Lieutenant's appearance softened for a moment. He looked back at them in silence as he recalled those tender moments when he had dated a fellow teacher, the young and beautiful Miss Go. At the time, he really had thought that he'd found the one, but after that sudden and bizarre mood swing of hers, he knew it was over. And the scars on his leg from the dogs she'd turned loose on him that day were nothing compared to the scars he bore on his heart. He felt like breaking into song to describe his feelings, but quickly decided against it, as that had been the very reason Miss Go had released those hounds in the first place.

His face hardened again. "Something like that," he growled. "So, how about a little wager? I'll bet you that I can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that your fiancées are both fickle, just like all other women."

Taking umbrage at Lt. Barkin's sweeping insinuation, Ronnie began jumping up and down in a fit of pique. "Ooh! Ooh! You are _so_ _on_, Lieutenant!"

Zorpox coolly looked on, merely offering a wolfish smile. "Yes, you're on, my, my oh so crafty Lieutenant. And what shall we wager then, hmm?"

Lt. Barkin growled back with an evil grin, "Let's make it something reasonable, shall we? Say, $100 worth of Smarty Mart Bonus Bucks?"

Ronnie happily exclaimed, "Coolio! Ya got a deal, Lieutenant!"

All three shook hands to seal the wager.

Lt. Barkin then announced his plan. "Okay, listen up you two. Here's the deal. You'll both pretend to have been called off indefinitely to that Yamanouchi School in Japan for final training in that _I Ching Tek War_ stuff."

Ronnie corrected, "Uh, don't you mean _Tai Shing Pek Kwar_?"

Lt. Barkin gruffly continued, "Yeah, whatever. Soon after, you'll both return in disguise, and each of you will attempt to woo the other's fiancé. And let's keep it PG, people! This _was_ a family show, once. I simply win the bet if both of them gives in and plants a willing smooch on the other Stoppable's lips. But you've got to be convincing: no namby-pamby, mealy-mouthed half-hearted attempts, or else the bet's off."

Zorpox stroked his chin in thought. "Mmm, yes. I think we can, hmm, make this work. We shall disguise ourselves as the swarthy Knights of Rodigan on a special mission for their new republic. Masquerading as these dashing and mysterious emissaries, we should both have more than sufficient opportunity to test their fidelity."

Ronnie eagerly added, "Yeah, and we may find out if they're true or not, too!"

"Don't be so sure, people," Lt. Barkin smirked. "We'll just have to wait and see. First I'll arrange for a Global Justice hover jet to pick you two up over at Dizzie Debbie's Salon as part of the façade, then I'll head over there to break the news to the girls. Meet me there in a half hour, and we'll get this little show on the road."

* * *

Back at Dizzy Debbie's Angelic Salon & Seraphic Spa, Sheela and Kimberly were enjoying a deep tissue massage under the gentle ministrations of the Midas avatars, both of whom just happened to be in town.

Sheela purred, "Oh, Kimberly. You have _no_ idea what you're missing out on. You wouldn't think that a world-conquering megalomaniac could be such a great lover, but I guess appearances can be ferociously deceiving."

Kimberly easily countered, "Well, my Ronnie is a true gentleman through and through. He's always treated me with the utmost respect, and I don't expect that will change once we're married. I happen to _like _being treated like a lady, even if it means putting, uh, certain things off for awhile."

Sheela replied languorously, "Well, that's your choice, of course. But for myself? I've always wanted to have my catnip and eat it too, I guess."

At that moment, Lt. Barkin stepped into the spa and gave them a smart salute. "Greetings, ladies. I'm Lieutenant Barkin, and I regret to inform you that …"

They both screamed. The Lieutenant raised a consoling hand to continue. "No, your fiancés are both all right, I assure you, but …"

Sheela rasped, "No, you perv! Can't you see we're both trying to get a massage here?"

The shocked Lieutenant immediately turned bright red as the two female avatars quickly covered up their bikini-clad bodies with their robes.

"Oops. Excuse me, ladies. I'll be just outside." He turned and left as fast as he could, narrowly avoiding several items that Sheela and Kimberly had begun hastily throwing at him.

A few minutes later, the two fully clothed avatars emerged and approached the contrite Lieutenant.

Kimberly asked, "Now, what was it you wanted to see us about?"

He began, "I regret to inform you that both of your fiancés have been called away indefinitely for final training in, uh, Mai Tai Shing-a-Ling at the Yamanouchi School for Wayward Avatars."

Kimberly whined, "Oh, no! And with the wedding only weeks away! Can't their training be delayed until after we tie the knot?"

He sadly wagged his head. "I'm afraid not. World crisis of some kind."

Sheela exclaimed, "World crisis? What is it?"

"It's a big planetwide problem, but that's not important now. What's important is that your fiancés will be here any minute to say their goodbyes."

At that very moment, Ronnie and Zorpox arrived brokenhearted to offer their sad farewells.

"I'll miss you so much, Kimberly. I promise to write everyday until I get back."

She tearfully replied, "I'll miss you, too, Ronnie. But I know it's for the greater good. You'll always be my hero."

Ronnie immediately felt a twinge of regret at their impending subterfuge, and had not Zorpox and Lt. Barkin been carefully watching him, he might have caved in, wager or not.

Zorpox, on the other hand, had no misgivings whatsoever. "Well, I'm off, my pretty kitty. And when I return, no doubt I will have mastered the powers I need to rule the entire world! _Ah booyah-ha-ha-hah!_"

Sheela mewled suggestively, "Hurry back, Zorpy. You _know_ what's waiting for you when you get back."

The two avatars climbed aboard the waiting GJ hoverjet and waved one last farewell to their respective angelic and devilish fiancés. The door closed and the jet quickly departed.

Kimberly sadly sighed, "Those boys are our last hope, Sheela."

Sheela looked up at the rapidly departing craft and mysteriously intoned, "No, there is another …"

Kimberly gave her a questioning look. "Huh?"

"Never mind. Let's go. I think I need a drink. Absinthe with a twist of catnip sounds about right."

Kimberly giggled, "Yeah, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, doesn't it?"

She almost failed to avoid Sheela's swipe of her claw for that remark.

Lt. Barkin's grin, however, hid something a bit darker. "And so it begins. This'll serve you right for that look you gave me back in the 9th grade, Stoppable. And I'll prove to you that these two, like all other women, are fickle. _Especially_ that Miss Go …"

* * *

_Well, Mr. Barkin's singular avatar certainly has some bones to pick with the fairer sex. But will his devilish self win the bet, or will Kim's angel and devil personae resist the temptations about to be thrown their way? Whatever the outcome, hilarity is guaranteed to ensue ..._


	2. Act I, Scene 2

_Many thanks to the reviewers so far: CajunBear73, Katsumara, Enterprise CV-6, campy, readerjunkie, MrDrP, Mr. Wizard, and Reader 101w. And thanks to everyone else for reading and hopefully enjoying these angelic visitations of the KP kind. And remember to leave a review and I'll send a reply. And now, the thick plottens… _

* * *

Bonnie Rockwaller was in a royal snit. Her car had broken down that morning, making her late for her rounds as the sole owner and proprietor of Rockwaller's House Cleaning and Maid Service. Through a comedy of errors (or had it actually been planned that way?) she had never quite earned that final credit from Mr. Barkin, and had therefore never graduated from Middleton High. She had been ignominiously reduced to cleaning houses for a living by day while taking courses at Middleton Junior College by night. The ultimate humiliation came when Kim's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Doctors Possible, had hired Bonnie for her services.

Things weren't too rosy on a personal level either. Just last week, Señor Senior Junior had ditched her for some up-and-coming female pop singer, whose trademark was her oversized earrings.

Bonnie muttered to herself, "Probably hypnotized by her huge hoops, the loser."

Bonnie's tiny angel poofed into being and scoffed, "Yeah, and probably by a huge pair of some _other_ things, too."

As Bon-Bon hovered over Bonnie's shoulder, she tried to adjust her bent halo. "Why doesn't this stupid thing want to stay on straight? Oh, that's right."

She tried to smooth down her dark brown hair over her prominent horns. "There we go."

Bon-Bon began darting around the Possible household's kitchen on her gossamer wings. Her long forked tail provided the perfect counterbalance for the aerobatic maneuvers she loved so well, as her cheerleading days were long behind her.

Bon-Bon cheerfully chimed, "Here's a spot that needs dusting."

"Yeah, thanks," Bonnie groused back. "I just wonder what kind of mess I'll find in the Tweebs room."

Bonnie opened Jim and Tim's bedroom door and nearly lost it right then and there. Not only were the beds unmade and dirty clothes strewn haphazardly all over the floor, but a science experiment of some kind was boiling away on their cluttered table. A hastily scribbled note read: _Do_ _not touch! This means you, Bonnie!_ Beside it, a box of week-old pizza lay open with its own experiment in decomposition growing within.

Bonnie nearly gagged. "I can't _believe_ men are such pigs!"

Her singular angel/devil agreed. "Yeah, and in more than one way…"

As soon as she had finished cleaning up the mess, Bonnie went back downstairs, just in time to greet Kim as she walked through the door.

She tiredly muttered, "Oh, hey there, Kim."

Kim cheerfully replied, "Hey, Bonnie. What's up?"

"Oh, the usual. Trying to make ends meet, and trying to get that last college credit for my AA degree so I can finally transfer to a four-year school. The funny thing is, Mr. Barkin is substituting now for my business class: the instructor got fired after getting caught in an insider trading sting. I had no _idea _Barkin knew anything about business."

Kim chuckled, "You'd be surprised what kinds of stuff he knows, Bonnie."

As the two engaged in idle conversation, their mutual angels and devils joined in a little conversation of their own.

Bon-Bon snarked, "Well, if it isn't Tweedle Dum and Tweedle _Dumber_."

Sheela returned the jibe with one of her own. "Yeah, well at least we don't have to _make _the beds everyone else sleeps in."

Bon-Bon shot back, "Oh, yeah? So who makes yours? Zorpox, or the ghosts of boyfriends past, present and future?"

Unperturbed, Sheela casually filed one of her claws, not unlike another familiar villainess. "You're certainly not one to talk, little Miss Prissy. I heard that Junior just threw Bonnie over for some sleazy starlet."

Kimberly unwisely added, "Yeah, and our own fiancés have just been called away indefinitely for some advanced mystical monkey training, so the wedding's off for the moment."

Bon-Bon's mood suddenly improved. She smiled gleefully at the bad news and decided to get in a few digs.

"Ooh, I'm so _sorry_, Kimberly. Looks like Little Miss Goody-Goody will just have to put off her wedding night for awhile."

She gave Sheela a sidelong glance. "But I'm sure that won't stop Kitten here from catting around."

Sheela gave her a warning growl from deep in her throat. "Watch it, Bon-Bon. It'd be a shame if I had to shred those pretty little wings of yours."

"Just try it, you mangy fleabag. Just because Kim has you two as her avatars while Bonnie's got only me only means I fight _twice_ as hard."

Kimberly held up a hand to stop the sniping. "C'mon you two. I'm _so_ not in the mood for fighting right now. It's ironic that up to this point, Sheela and I have acted as Kim's conscience and offered her our counsel. Now, _we're_ the ones who are ferociously depressed and need some comfort. Who knows how long it'll be before Ronnie gets back? I already miss him so much."

Sheela tried to put up a good front, but was likewise suffering from a case of the blues. "Yeah, I miss my Zorpy too. But at least it's not like we'll never see them again."

Bon-Bon, however, was of a different opinion. "You two losers have got it all wrong. What you have here is a golden opportunity to cut loose and go out on the town! Why sit here moping around when you could be living it up? Find some new beau hunks and go have some fun!"

She graced them both with an evil grin. "Besides, you think that with Yori still available, that Ronnie and Zorpox will be able to resist the charms of that cute little Ninja babe for very long? Men or monkeys, it doesn't matter: they'll cave eventually. It's only a matter of time."

She continued with a haughty smile. "Just remember that _I_ became Hirotaka's number one girlfriend in only one week."

Kimberly began to waver, the specter of an alluring and available Yori feeding her fear.

Bon-Bon then turned her focus on Sheela with a smug look. "Besides, when the _mice_ are away, the _cats_ can play!"

Kimberly suddenly realized that Bon-Bon was just trying to play them both, and gave her a rather disgusted look.

"I don't think so, Bon-Bon. I've got faith in Ronnie, and besides, I'm too much in love with him to fool around on the side, no matter how long he's going to be gone or who he's going to be training with. I may be the girl who can do anything, but I _do_ have some personal standards."

She continued slyly, "On the other hand, you've proven that _you're_ the girl who can do it with _anyone_."

Bon-Bon's jaw dropped in shock as she instantly blushed to a lovely shade of vermillion.

Sensing that her riposte had been successful, Kimberly pushed her advantage in their verbal fencing match. "And when it comes to the food chain, Bon-Bon, it looks like you've finally become a _bottom feeder_."

Bon-Bon stomped the floor in anger. "That does it, Miss Holier-Than-Thou! You're just a sanctimonious little snob!"

Kimberly shot back, "Yeah? Well I may be a lady, but you're just a tramp!"

"Prude!"

"Trollop!"

Sheela wisely stepped in before the sitch deteriorated into full-fledged hand-to-hand combat.

"Kimberly, I think we're late for an appointment."

"Uh, what appointment's that, Sheela?"

"The appointment with _sanity_? Y'know, before everyone's snark meter goes totally off the scale? Besides, I think we _all _need a time out."

Kimberly lowered her eyes and took a deep breath to calm down. Bon-Bon always knew what to say to get under her skin, and Kimberly always rose to the challenge in order to get in her own digs. But with everyone's emotions in high gear thanks to their present sitches, it was way past time for a little breather.

"Yeah, I think you're right."

She turned to Bon-Bon. "Later, B. Good luck with Junior, or whoever."

And with a tiny pop, both Kim's avatars disappeared, leaving behind a sulking Bon-Bon.

Speaking to no one in particular, she moaned, "This is so not fair! Kim gets _both_ an angel and a devil for company, but Bonnie gets only _moi_. And now Junior's dumped us, while Kimberly and Sheela still have their hotties. Hmph! At least they're both on the other side of the planet by now."

She continued to fume, finally stomping petulantly on the floor. "Ooh! If there was any way to get back at those two, I'd, I'd…"

"Jump at the chance?"

Startled, she spun quickly around at the unexpected voice, then sneered, "Oh, it's you."

Lt. Barkin had appeared, smiling back at her like the cat that had just caught the proverbial canary.

"Well, Bon-Bon, I'm _hardly_ the Good Fairy, but I think I may be able to help grant your little wish. In fact, we may even be able to provide each other with some … _mutual assistance_. You see, I have a little bet going with Ronnie and Zorpox, and I could actually use your help."

She peevishly crossed her arms. "Oh, yeah? And what's in it for me?"

He gave her his most charming look. "Well, besides getting back at Kimberly and Sheela, I could ensure that you get that last college credit you need in order to graduate."

His smile increased. "Or _not_."

Bon-Bon impatiently tapped her foot as she considered his offer. Or was it a threat? She recalled his carrot-on-a-stick approach to that one final high school credit that he had strung her along with for years, and wasn't looking forward to any more taunting. But the chance for a little sweet revenge against both of Kim's avatars was too good to pass up.

"Okay, Lt. Barkin. I'm in. So what's the deal?"

He tapped his chin in thought. "Well, what you were just doing looked pretty good. And now for a little _insider info_ of your own: Ronnie and Zorpox aren't _really_ leaving for Yamanouchi. They'll be back shortly, disguised as the Knights of Rodigan. I've made them a wager of 100 Smarty Mart Bonus Bucks that I can prove that Kimberly and Sheela, like all women, are fickle. And anything you can do to keep this ruse up will be, shall we say, rewarded handsomely?"

Bon-Bon giggled, "Ooh! And I get to help? Sounds like a win-win situation for both of us, Lt. Barkin."

At that moment, Ronnie and Zorpox appeared with a bright flash. Ronnie began, "Okay, Lieutenant. What do you think of our disguises?"

Barkin eyed the motley pair with a disapproving _tsk_. The uniforms weren't too bad, closely approximating the traditional reddish uniform and the armored shoulders, gloves and leggings of the Knights of Rodigan. But without helmets, their respective halo and horns stuck out like a sore thumb. Their light blond hair failed to match their dark mustaches and goatees, and Zorpox's mustache was already falling off, as he had applied spirit gum to it only _after_ applying pancake makeup to hide his faintly blue skin.

Lt. Barkin simply replied, "Well, it's a start, but you both still need a lot of work. Bon-Bon will get some darker hair color for you both, and I'll try to scare up some kind of helmets to help hide your particular alignments a little better."

An hour and much work later, the two co-conspirators stood back to admire their handiwork. Now sporting dark brown hair and expertly applied makeup, as well as the latest style of modern army helmets, Ronnie and Zorpox were ready to pass close inspection.

Lt. Barkin muttered, "Well, whaddya think, Bon-Bon?"

She gave him a wicked grin and replied, "I think they look pretty hot for a pair of losers. This just might work."

Barkin nodded in approval and addressed the pair. "Next, you'll need to disguise your voices. Try speaking lower, and use a lot of archaic language with plenty of _thees, thous_, and _forsooths_."

Zorpox picked up on the ruse. "Hmm, affect a Shakespearean style, in other words?"

"That's right. And you'll need new names as well. Let's see now, we'll call Ronnie 'Sir Donald,' and Zorpox, uh, 'Sir Xerox.' "

Ronnie asked, "How's this? _Ahem._ Blimey, Guv'nor! Let's 'ave sum bangers 'n ale for dinnuh!"

Lt. Barkin growled back, "Shakespeare, Stoppable! Not Cockney!"

After a little more practice on their speech, it was finally showtime. Bon-Bon was the first to pop into the room and announce the disguised pair to Kimberly and Sheela.

"Well, ladies, have I got a surprise for _you!_ Lt. Barkin has just found out about an exchange program between Middleton and the Republic of Rodigan. Two of their knights are on special assignment here, and guess what? They _both_ specifically asked to see the two of you!"

Kimberly was instantly suspicious. "Us? And in particular? But why?"

Bon-Bon easily replied, "Since Kim and Ron helped out the former Prince Wally so many years ago, they actually remember you, I guess."

Sheela wasn't too sure however, and cautioned, "Yeah, but they were trying to prevent Prince Wally from ascending the throne, and both of them were just about ready to slice him in two. Those two were the big, bad guys back then."

Bon-Bon hadn't remembered that and tried to think quickly. "Uh, yeah, but Rodigan's a republic now, and everybody's been real buddy-buddy ever since!"

At that moment, the two disguised fiancés dramatically appeared, accompanied by a huge cloud of smoke.

Bon-Bon announced, "Sir Donald and Sir Xerox, the Knights of Rodigan!"

With a flourish of their capes, each bowed deeply to the two young ladies.

Ronnie began, "Aye, an' it be a pleasure to be makin' yer acquaintance, lassie!"

Barkin winced and fiercely whispered, "English, not Scottish!"

Ronnie mouthed a quick "_oops,_" and without missing a beat politely asked, "And how may thee be this fine evening, milady?" He gently grasped Sheela's hand and gave it a tender kiss.

She was flattered by the gesture. "Ooh, a gentleman. A nice change from what I'm used to."

Zorpox wasn't too pleased by Sheela's reaction to the disguised Ronnie, but dared not reveal his annoyance. Not to be outdone, he used his cape to swiftly draw Kimberly into a close embrace.

As he leaned over her, he whispered in her ear, "Forsooth, but methinks I be overwhelmed by thine captivating beauty, your hotness… er, _highness_."

Startled by his sudden advance, Kimberly just as quickly wriggled out from under his grasp. "Uh, thanks for being complimentish, Sir Xerox, but I'm not royalty."

He continued without pause, "Ah, but you are in _mine_ eyes, my, my oh-so-pretty princess. Art thou perhaps available for a repast this eve? We hath much to discuss, I can tell, and what better way to pass the time than with a delicious meal. Mine treat, of course."

Kimberly waved him off. "I'm honored, but I think I'll pass, Sir Xerox. My fiancé wouldn't appreciate any diversions of the dating kind while he's away on training."

She added for effect, "_Military_ training."

Sir Xerox grinned as he continued his parley. "Ah, then he's a military man? He shoudst appreciate the fact that the fight usually goes to the strongest. Get a load of these!"

He quickly corrected his gaffe. "Er, takest a close look at mine powerful arms!"

He flexed his muscles, hoping to impress Kimberly. He was to be sadly disappointed.

She folded her arms and sneered, "One of Ronnie's film heroes once said, _size matters not_. It really depends on what you can actually do with what you've got."

He hissed, "Then let me show you, O doubtful one."

He moved in closer to her, but she was quickly tiring of Xerox's attentions and decided to use a defensive Kung Fu move. Xerox quickly found himself flat on his back, staring up at Kimberly with a shocked look on his face.

Kimberly gingerly brushed each hand against the other. "Case in point. And I have fifteen other moves just like it."

Xerox painfully grunted, "Point taken."

Sir Donald and Sheela couldn't help breaking out in a fit of laughter.

He carefully got up, brushing off his costume and flashing Kimberly a wolfish grin. "Milady is simply, hmm, playing hard to get, yes?"

She shot back in deadly earnest, "No, I'm playing _impossible_ to get, and I'm not kidding."

Sheela looked over at Sir Donald with an apologetic look and sighed. "I have to agree with Kimberly. So not in the mood right now."

Sensing that the disguised pair would not be getting any further at the moment, Lt. Barkin decided to concede round one to the girls.

"Uh, Sir Donald, Sir Xerox? We do, er, have that official function that we need to attend. Perhaps we could continue this at another time?"

Picking up on his excuse for a tactical retreat, the two knights bowed quickly but politely to the ladies. They disappeared in a flash, followed a moment later by Lt. Barkin and Bon-Bon.

Kimberly muttered, "Wow, Sheela. Talk about coming on strong."

Sheela responded dreamily, "Yeah, but Sir Donald was polite at least."

"Hmm, maybe. But those two strike me as vaguely familiar, and I don't mean just from several years ago. But I can't quite place them."

Sheela moaned, "But that leaves us right back where we started. Lonely and bereft."

Kimberly sighed in agreement. "Yeah, but we need to be strong. Our guys are worth waiting for."

Meanwhile, not too far away, Lt. Barkin was giving the knights a good dressing down.

"Well, that was a pretty poor performance if I do say so, soldiers! You're going to have to do much better than _that_. And Xerox, hand-to-hand combat is _not _what I'd call wooing! Lighten up for cripe's sake, will ya?"

Zorpox simply glowered back at Lt. Barkin. Ronnie, however, was grinning from ear to ear.

"I actually thought it was pretty badical, Lieutenant. Looks like Kimberly is a lot less fickle than you figured."

Zorpox grimaced. "Yes, but it looks like Sheela wasn't, shall we say, entirely uninterested?"

Lt. Barkin nodded in agreement. "Yes, you did seem a little more successful, Stoppable. But we're going to need to ramp this up a bit and play on their sympathies. And I have just the plan…"

He began furtively whispering to Bon-Bon, who immediately broke out in a wide smile.

"Ooh, _yes!_ That should do it, one way or another…"

* * *

_Now what evil plans do Lt. Barkin and Bon-Bon have up their angelic sleeves? And will the two Kims continue to be able to resist almost certain temptation, or will they give in to the Knight's charms? Update soon…_

_**TBC**_


	3. Act I, Scene 3

_Apologies for such a long time between posts, but rehearsals and performances for another musical took precedence. Art imitates life! But here at last is the next chapter for your amusement and edification. My thanks as always to Katsumara, readerjunkie, CajunBear73, EnterpriseCV-6, Mr. Wizard and Reader101w for reviewing, and everyone else out there for reading._

* * *

A few hours later, Lt. Barkin reappeared before Kimberly and Sheela.

"Well, ladies, the knights were quite taken with you both. So much so that I'm, er, a little concerned about how they might react to another brush-off from you two."

Kimberly replied in no uncertain terms. "Well, that's not exactly our problem now, is it? If they're truly the gentlemen they pretend to be, not to mention official representatives of Rodigan, they should have no problem with respecting our wishes."

Sheela agreed, albeit with some hesitation. "Yeah, no matter how cute they are. Angels or devils, we're not _that_ easy."

Lt. Barkin frowned. "Yes, of course. I'm just not sure how much longer that these fine, strapping young soldiers will take no for an answer. In fact…"

With a bright flash, the two disguised knights suddenly reappeared. With feigned anguish, they each held a grande-sized Naco.

Kimberly muttered, "Uh-oh. Smells like trouble."

Sheela agreed, "Yup, and it's not just the Bueno Nacho."

Sir Donald began with a plaintive wail, "Thou art both the fairest of the fair, and the most beautiful creatures that we have ever laid our knightly eyes upon. But we longeth, yea, fainteth to be given a chance to go out on a dateth… er, _date_, with both of you. If we cannot, then there is no reason to continue our lonely, pitiful existence."

Sir Xerox bewailed, "Princess Kimberly, if thou wilt not go out with me, then there is naught for me to live for, and I shall surely eat this deadly Naco, drizzled with not one, not two, but _three_ packets of Bueno Nacho Extra Hot Five-Alarm Sauce!"

Lt. Barkin then cried out in a histrionic fashion that would have put any American Starmaker contestant to shame. "_No! Don't do it!_"

Turning to the two girls, he desperately pleaded, "Please! Grant them the wish that only you can bestow! Date them, and save their lives!"

The young ladies hesitated in confusion. Neither of them wanted to betray their fiancés, but neither wanted to be responsible for the knight's demise, either.

Kimberly stuttered, "We… we can't. We love our fiancés. We have to remain true to them, no matter what the cost."

Barkin patriotically continued, "If not for the Knights, then for the good of our country, and for the relationship with our staunch ally, the Republic of Rodigan!"

He pulled out a Rodigan flag and gave a smart salute, then made a near-fatal mistake.

He began singing their national anthem.

"Once for freedom did we _craaave!_

Never again will we bow as _slaaaves! _

Though we're tiny

We'll protect our hiney

For our proud country we will _raaave!_

_Rodigan, O Rodigan!_ Long may our flag _waaave!_

_Rodigan, O Rodigan!_ Ne'er more shall you _caaave!_"

Both Ronnie and Zorpox had begun writhing in extreme pain, but this time it was for real. Likewise, Kimberly and Sheela winced as they covered their ears, trying to block out Lt. Barkin's strident bellowing.

In the future, the two couples would all look back on this particular moment and wholeheartedly agree that this was the closest they had ever come to wishing for the sweet release that only death could provide.

Without another moment's hesitation, the knights downed the faux-poisoned Nacos. They clenched at their throats, gasping for air, finally collapsing on the floor in a state of feigned unconsciousness.

Lt. Barkin yelled out, "Call for a paramedic!"

Instantly there was a knock on the door, and Barkin immediately rushed to open it. In the doorway stood Bon-Bon in a cute white nurse's uniform. Emblazoned on her cap were the words, _Bon-Bon's Paramed Services_.

He frantically motioned toward the two knights. "They're in here! Hurry!"

Bon-Bon swiftly entered the room, pulling a wheeled table behind her. Attached to it was what appeared to be a portable MRI scanner.

She ordered, "Quick, help me get them both onto the gurney!"

Kimberly and Sheela looked on apprehensively as Lt. Barkin and Bon-Bon strapped the two knights down and activated the scanner.

Sheela whimpered, "Wi…will they be okay? Shouldn't you take them to the hospital and have their stomachs pumped?"

Bon-Bon growled, "No time. They might expire before we could get them there."

She began passing the scanner slowly over the two knights.

Barkin fearfully pronounced, "I just hope we're not too late."

Ronnie carefully opened one eye and gave Lt. Barkin a wink, who returned the glance with a covert A-OK signal.

Kimberly fretfully asked, "How will your device help them?"

Bon-Bon frowned as she tried to remember Lt. Barkin's coaching. "Hopefully, the magnetic wavy thingies will realign the hot sauce molecules, rendering them harmless, or something technical like that."

Lt. Barkin rolled his eyes, hoping that Kimberly and Sheela would buy Bon-Bon's awkward explanation.

Bon-Bon then pronounced, "Just one more pass should do it."

And with that prearranged cue, Sir Donald and Sir Xerox began to stir. They opened their eyes and gazed at the expectant Kimberly and Sheela.

Ronnie gasped, "Look, Sir Xerox! We hath died and gone to heaven!"

Zorpox answered, "Yes, Sir Donald! And behold the goddesses who are here to greet us into the afterlife!"

Ronnie gazed deeply into Sheela's eyes. Was that a look of concern, or a spark of interest he saw there?

"Somebody pinch us to prove that we're not simply dreaming the most wonderful vision we've ever experienced!"

Zorpox suggested instead, "No! We desire instead a kiss from our, our angelic saviors."

He grinned with a touch of lasciviousness. "That would be _so_ much better than a mere pinch."

Bon-Bon whispered to the girls, "It sounds like they're still hallucinating. You'd better play along just to be safe."

As the amorous Sir Xerox approached a horrified Kimberly, she gasped, "So not! No way, Bon-Bon!"

She turned and sternly faced the advancing knight. "One more step and you'll find yourself on your back staring at the ceiling again, Xerox."

Sir Donald, however, could tell that Sheela was at least considering it. He smiled as he moved in for a smooch, but before he could plant a kiss on her tender lips, she brought a hand up to stop him.

"Nice try, Romeo. But you look like you're totally recovered from that poisoned Naco now."

Sir Xerox had wisely backed off as well. "Indeed. We seem to have completely recovered after our near-fatal brush with death."

Sir Donald bemoaned, "Yes, but our condition is as before, as we continue to pine away for these heavenly visions of absolute loveliness."

Lt. Barkin suddenly had a brainstorm. "Perhaps we can arrive at a compromise?"

He rubbed his hands together and continued in his oiliest manner, "There's, um, a _state dinner_ planned for tomorrow evening, and it'll be attended by dignitaries from both of our countries. You two ladies could attend as part of the US delegation, in perhaps, uh, an _official_ capacity?"

Ronnie and Zorpox looked surprised at the suggestion, as this hadn't been part of the plan. Bon-Bon on the other hand appeared mortified at the thought.

She hissed, "Barkin, what are you doing? We don't have…"

He quickly whispered, "Trust me: just follow my lead."

He continued out loud to the girls, "You don't even have to decide right away. As long as we have your answer by tomorrow morning, we'll still have the time to make the necessary arrangements. Isn't that right, gentlemen?"

The two knights hesitantly nodded.

Barkin turned back to the two girls. "Very well then. I'll just pop in early tomorrow morning to get your answer. This will be a formal affair of course, and you two will naturally be the guests of honor, considering your prior exemplary service to the Republic of Rodigan. Sir Donald and Sir Xerox should probably leave now in order to rest and fully recuperate from their ordeal, and I'll assist Bon-Bon here in reloading her equipment."

The two knights took the hint, and after a deep bow, quickly vanished. But as soon as Lt. Barkin had wheeled Bon-Bon's equipment out the door, she angrily stopped him in his tracks.

"Okay, Lieutenant. So where are we going to come up with a formal venue with one day's notice, complete with diplomats from Rodigan, not to mention our own state department? I don't see how we can pull this one off without Kimberly and Sheela getting suspicious of what's really going on. And then your little bet's going to go up in a puff of smoke."

Barkin gave her a casual wave of his hand and smiled back, "Don't worry, Bon-Bon. I can call in a few favors back at the base and use the Officer's Club for our little soirée, complete with a few of my men to masquerade as the necessary diplomats. Trust me, it'll be a piece of cake."

Bon-Bon wasn't entirely convinced. "Yeah, well, if you say so. But no matter what happens, I still better get that last college credit I need, or else there's going to be some _real_ trouble."

Lt. Barkin smoothly replied, "Ooh, is that a _threat_, Bon-Bon? I just don't see that you really have a choice in the matter. In for a penny, in for a pound, as they say."

He returned her stare with one of his own, as he let that truth sink in a little deeper. Bon-Bon's shoulders slumped slightly as she relented, realizing that she had better just grin and bear it.

Sensing his victory, Lt. Barkin relaxed a bit as his face broke out in a wide smile. "But come now! We have some planning to do. And don't worry about that credit. Once I win the bet, I'll have them all in the palm of my hand, and you'll be able to finish your degree. It's a guaranteed win-win for both of us, Bon-Bon!"

His face darkened as he thought to himself, "_And I'll finally have my ultimate revenge for that look Stoppable gave me back in the ninth grade. Sweet…_"

Meanwhile, the two girls had been left alone to discuss their unusual opportunity. Kimberly wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole sitch, however, and was still pining away for her Ronnie.

"Well, Sheela, if it wasn't for the knights, I think I'd be okay."

Sheela agreed, "Yeah, I know. I get really lonely too, once the sun goes down."

"No, silly, I mean the Knights of Rodigan."

Sheela giggled, "Oh, yeah! And _both _of them are really kinda cute. I'm sure that either of them would make a real catch."

Kimberly crossed her arms in displeasure. "Uh, aren't you forgetting a little something, Sheela? Like the fact that we're both still engaged? But I have to admit, those knights are pretty tenacious. Like, are they persistent or what? Wow, it's almost like they're competing with each other to prove who can outdo the other in the wooing department."

Sheela on the other hand was basking in the afterglow of all the attention. She sighed dreamily, "Yeah, but I've never been romanced by a knight in shining armor before. It's a _purrfectly_ refreshing change."

Kimberly nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I've kinda noticed that Zorpox doesn't treat you very well sometimes. That megalomania sure can get in the way of a relationship, huh?"

But Sheela casually tossed it off. "No worries there, Kimberly. I can handle Zorpy ok. I've trained him to know just how far he can go before I bare my claws. Literally."

She tossed a piece of paper in the air, expertly shredding it into thin strips which gently floated to the floor.

"Besides, he more than makes up for that in _other_ departments."

She shot Kimberly a sly, lopsided grin as she continued. "And don't tell me that you don't find Sir Xerox the least bit attractive. Even though you've always played Miss Squeaky Clean, I've always known that you have a secret thing for the bad boys, and there's no use denying it. I know you too well, Kimberly."

Kimberly blushed brightly and returned Sheela's smile with an awkward one of her own, breathing a deep sigh.

"Well, I guess I'm busted, Sheela. You got me. I have to admit that I'm tempted, but it's not a sin just to look, is it? It's just that acting on it would be really sick and wrong right now, and we both know it."

Sheela gently scratched her chin with one of her claws. "Well, we don't actually have to call it a _date_ if you don't want to. And a little innocent flirtation on the side to pass the time won't hurt, Kimberly. I'm sure the Knights will be returning soon to Rodigan anyway, and it'll be like nothing ever happened."

Kimberly couldn't believe that she was even considering this, but her resolve was quickly melting away. "Well, when you put it like that..."

Sheela moved in for the kill. "Aw, c'mon, Kimberly! It'll be fun. And it's not like I'd be encouraging you to do anything that _I_ wouldn't do _myself_."

Kimberly smirked back, "Oh, that makes me feel _so_ much better. Especially considering that little fling you had with Hirotaka a few years ago? Bon-Bon never found out about that, did she? Or am I mixing that up with that secret rendezvous you had with Brick Flagg a while back?"

It was now Sheela's turn to be embarrassed. As she began to blush bright red, she quickly stuttered, "Uh, yeah, but that's all in the past now. But right now we have a real neat opportunity to have a little fun, just like Bon-Bon said. And you can keep it as innocent as you want. So, what do you say?"

Sheela looked expectantly at Kimberly, who continued to mull it over. "Well, as long as it's an _official _function, and Sir Xerox keeps his armored gloves to himself…"

Sheela clapped her hands together in glee. "Ooh, goody! Now we need to get some killer gowns, and get our hair done. I wonder if the knights will provide our corsages, or if we need to get those ourselves, or…"

Kimberly laughed, "Whoa there, Sheela! This is a diplomatic affair, not the Senior Prom!"

Sheela slyly purred, "Well, your _affair_ can be diplomatic if you want. Mine will simply be… _discreet_, shall we say?"

Kimberly rolled her eyes as she shook her head back and forth. "Whatever you say, Sheela. Just spare me the details in case you, uh, get lucky? I'm still planning on saving myself for Ronnie, however long that may turn out to be."

But even though she had just tacitly agreed to attend the function, Kimberly still felt some lingering doubts about the upcoming event. In the back of her mind, something still seemed a bit… off.

She simply tried to shrug it off as she thought to herself, "_Well, I've still got time enough to mull this sitch over before Lt. Barkin returns. I'll just sleep on it until tomorrow morning_."

Kimberly found it hard to get to sleep that night, and when she finally did, her rest was fitful. Even in sleep, she continued to have doubts about her decision to attend the reception. She was, after all, the angelic half of Kim Possible's conscience, and had a reputation to maintain. This conflict no doubt inspired the vivid dream that followed.

She dreamt that Sir Xerox continued to relentlessly pursue her, but she was still able to avoid his advances. Strangely, she found herself actually enjoying teasing him. And although she was secretly reveling in all the attention from this particular bad boy, she still found herself simultaneously missing Ronnie, as well as finding herself strangely attracted to Sir Donald. Just then, she found herself cornered by Sir Xerox. She closed her eyes, her lips parting in anticipation. But just as he moved in to kiss her, she began to awaken.

Her dream had enabled her subconscious to put the pieces of the puzzle together, and the sudden realization shocked her wide awake.

"No! It can't be... Sir Xerox... Zorpox? Sir Donald... Ronnie? They wouldn't... or would they?"

Her frown deepened in anger at their apparent deceit. "But if it is, there's going to be two fewer knights in Rodigan before tomorrow night is over..."

* * *

_Uh, oh! Has Kimberly caught on to the knight's ruse? Ooh, guys, looks like you got some splainin' to do! And will this little soap opera finish as a Mozartean opera buffa, or will it turn out to be a Wagnerian Twilight of the Knights?_

**_TBC_**


	4. Act II, Scene 1

_Mucho gracias and vielen Dank to CajunBear73, readerjunkie, Katsumara, Mr. Wizard and campy for your kind reviews, and to all who have spent a few pleasurable moments perusing my latest creative insanity._

_In my relentless pursuit of literary perfection (and to close a plot hole), I've made a few minor revisions to earlier chapters, and expanded Kimberly's dream sequence a bit at the end of the previous chapter. And as the finale was becoming a bit too long, I've decided to prolong the agony… uh, increase the ecstatic anticipation of my little soap opera's conclusion by adding one final chapter, to be posted soon. Promise! And leave a review, you'll get a reply._

* * *

When Lt. Barkin returned the next morning, he was overjoyed when Kimberly and Sheela agreed to attend the diplomatic function. However, Kimberly wasn't ready to appear like a pushover, especially considering her dream.

She folded her arms and stated, "Just to make myself clear, Lieutenant, if I haven't already. I'm not considering this a date. I'm just doing my civic duty in view of Kim's previous work for Rodigan."

Lt. Barkin flashed a wolfish grin as he replied, perhaps a little too quickly. "But of course! No question whatsoever. Now, the limo will pick you up at six. And don't be late: these diplomats can be real sticklers about promptness."

Sheela giggled, "Just like _you _used to be back at Middleton High?"

He shot them both a stern look. "Just like I _still_ am, and don't forget it."

And with that gruff remark, he vanished, leaving Kim's two avatars to prepare themselves for their big night. And giving Kimberly time to consider her possible courses of action.

"_Yes, anything's possible for a Possible, and that goes for her avatars as well…"_

Later that afternoon, Sheela was making the last adjustments to her dress. It was an elegant champagne-colored gown, sans her usual catsuit's dark brown spots, and just long enough to hide her tail. She had decided to continue to wear her trademark cowl, which had aggravated her angelic hairstylist to no end. But she finally got her way, and her now gently curled red hair cascaded freely down from beneath the back of her hood.

Lastly, she carefully donned her elbow-length satin gloves, but these gloves weren't just for show. The claws on the end were just as sharp as her standard gloves, just in case a particular knight might want to become too friendly.

"Especially if I find myself not quite in the mood for it," she smiled to herself. "But I doubt it."

Kimberly wore her favorite powder-blue gown, her hair coiffed in a fancy up doo, crowned with her freshly polished halo. It was always tough getting her wings through the opening in the back of her dress, but with Sheela's help she was quickly cinched up. But as excited as Sheela continued to be about the upcoming evening, Kimberly was acting uncharacteristically moody, and seemed almost apprehensive about the event. She was particularly concerned about how the evening might end should Sir Xerox's ardor become too insistent, in spite of her tantalizing dream.

She continued her train of thought out loud. "Abruptly, no doubt. And especially if he's who I _think_ he is."

Sheela tied the final lace and gave her a questioning look. "What was that, Kimberly?"

The angel breathed out a short sigh of discontent. "Oh, nothing. I've just got a sneaking suspicion that our knights in shining armor aren't exactly who they say they are, that's all."

Sheela cut her short with a huff. "C'mon, Kimberly. You agreed to go, and I'm not going to put up with any negative talk from you about it. Let's just enjoy the sitch, okay?"

"Sorry, Sheela, but something's rotten in the state of Rodigan. I just haven't quite figured it all out yet."

Sheela simply gave her a dismissive wave with one claw. "Oh, Kimberly, I thought we had already gone through all this?"

"No, this is something different. Have you noticed how familiar Sir Donald and Sir Xerox seem to be?"

Sheela responded with a thoughtful look. "Come to think of it, they do seem awfully familiar."

"Yeah, like maybe two fiancés who should be in Japan at the moment?"

Sheela's jaw dropped. "No way!"

Kimberly folded her arms and nodded back. "Way."

"You mean they're really our Zorpy and Ronnie in disguise? But why?"

"Well, that's the million-dollar question, isn't it? And if it _is_ them, then Barkin and Bon-Bon are up to their little wings and horns in the deception, too. So I think we should play along just long enough to figure out what the sitch is. And I know _just_ the person who can do some checking for us in the meantime…"

* * *

The fancy black limousine arrived promptly at six, driven by Lt. Barkin himself, and the two girls quickly got into the vehicle. For a moment, Sir Donald was swept away by Kimberly's beauty.

"Wow, Kimberly, you look absolutely…"

A quick poke to his ribs by Sir Xerox brought him back to his senses.

"… very pretty, but thou, Sheela, art beautiful beyond compare! Art thou looking forward as much as I to this evening's festivities?"

He gently took her hand, kissing it gently.

Kimberly and Sheela each gave the other a knowing look and giggled.

Sheela purred, "More than you can possibly imagine, Sir Donald."

Not to be outdone, Sir Xerox blurted out, "And thou art _also_ a vision of loveliness, my dear."

Zorpox clumsily grabbed Kimberly's hand and planted a rather sloppy kiss on it.

"Eww. Yuck."

As she wiped the drool off with her handkerchief, she grumbled, "Yeah, uh, thanks, Zor… uh, Xerox."

Sir Donald gently took Sheela's hand in his, who didn't seem to mind at all. Kimberly did, however, and shot her a sidelong glance which Sheela simply ignored.

But when Sir Xerox awkwardly tried the same move, Kimberly objected.

"Keepeth thy hands to thyselfeth, Sir Xerox. Don't you knights have some kind of code of honor when dealing with young maidens?"

Instantly abashed, he mumbled back, "Uh, yes, yes, of course. Just checking to see if you were aware of the Rodigan, hmm, Knightly Rules of Conduct." He reluctantly gave up on his clumsy advance and decided to quietly sulk instead.

Lt. Barkin in the meantime certainly hadn't failed to notice all the moves being made on the ladies in the back seat of his limo. He had to bite his tongue, literally, to avoid lapsing back into his old bus driver habits due to his strict rules on PDA's. Besides, this was all part of the wager. He silently repeated to himself, "_Just remember the bet, just remember the bet_…"

The remainder of the ride continued in awkward silence until they reached their destination. Kimberly immediately cocked a questioning eyebrow at the venue.

"Uh, Lt. Barkin? Doesn't the Officer's Club at the local army base seem a bit odd for a diplomatic function like this?"

Barkin quickly replied, "For the sake of our diplomats, our safety measures needed to be tighter than usual. Homeguard Security insisted."

Kimberly stifled a laugh. "Riiiight."

The limo stopped and a smartly dressed guard opened the car door for them. Sheela was about to exit when Sir Donald noticed a puddle. He swiftly took off his cape and laid it on the ground for her to walk over.

She responded giddily, "Ooh, how chivalrous!"

Not to be outdone, Sir Xerox grabbed Kimberly and flung her over his shoulder, setting her gracelessly down on the dry ground.

He bowed oafishly, to which Kimberly offered only a gruff and uncomfortable thanks.

Inside the club, Lt. Barkin's underlings masqueraded as the necessary diplomats, the Americans in tuxes and tails, the Rodigans in their traditional red and grey uniforms. The dinner began immediately, interspersed with the requisite boring speeches, reminding Kimberly of Kim's tedious experience at the Actuary of the Year Awards with Ron and his father.

She did get a mild chuckle however at the string quartet that was playing. She recognized several of the players as the Tweeb's musical friends from Middleton Junior College. Barkin was presently teaching there part-time, and must have gotten their avatars to play at the last minute. Their mistakes and poor intonation soon confirmed her suspicions, which didn't help her mood any as she grappled with the present mystery.

"_Is this just some strange kind of game that Ronnie and Zorpox are playing, or is there something more to it? The fact that both Bon-Bon and Lt. Barkin are in on it has definitely shifted my weirdar into high gear._"

Knowing ahead of time that something was amiss also proved to keep a damper on any productive dialogue with Sir Xerox, their conversations being rather terse, if not outright awkweird. Suspecting what Sir Xerox might really be after also kept her on guard. Sheela and Sir Donald on the other hand were getting along famously, pleasantly engaged in sparkling conversation with just a dash of minor flirtation. Kimberly expected this, having directed Sheela beforehand to find out what she could, but warned her that angel or not, there'd be hell to pay if her coquetry got anything beyond just a mere kiss.

At long last, the function appeared to be winding down. Lt. Barkin tapped on his wineglass to get everyone's attention, raising it high in the air.

"All right, people! I wish to propose a toast to our honored guests, and especially to the valiant Knights of Rodigan. Long live our staunch allies, and the Republic of Rodigan!"

A polite round of applause was accompanied by the clinking of glasses as all toasted the guests. Everyone froze for a moment after, fearing that the Lieutenant might break out in another horrible song and clear the hall quicker than a patron yelling "FIRE!" in a movie theater, but their fears were quickly allayed as he poured himself another glass of Rodigan Zinfandel, vintage '99.

He had been closely watching the two couples, and although he was disappointed with Sir Xerox's lassitude, he was encouraged by Sheela and Sir Donald's obvious flirtation. Sensing that victory was almost within his grasp, Barkin reveled in the moment as he savored his wine.

"_Ah, delicious. And once I win this bet, I'll be able to afford even more. And that's not even including my Smarty Mart discount…"_

Sir Donald now felt that the time was finally right, and chose this moment to make his final attempt to kiss the beautiful Sheela. Still, both his innate shyness and conflicting feelings over Kimberly caused him to hesitate, as he thought it over in his mind one last time.

"_What if she rejects me like before? Well, at least I'll win the bet, and Lt. Barkin loses. But what if … gulp … she really DOES let me kiss her this time? Will Kimberly just kill me out of hand before I have a chance to explain? Ooh, I wish I could talk this over real quick with either Rufus, or Mr. Barkin. They'd know what to do. But it's too late. It's now or never. Sydney or the bush. Do or die…" _

He carefully moved in closer, fully expecting a rebuff like each of his prior attempts. Surprisingly, she didn't resist this time, like she had before. In fact, she grabbed him with a touch of impatience, almost as if she could sense his hesitation. The kiss, when it happened, was electrifying. The urgency of her kiss quickly became deeper and more passionate, her experience in such matters totally overwhelming Sir Donald. Unfortunately, he let the rush of the moment go to his head, and inevitably made his fatal mistake.

Breathlessly he gasped, "Wow, this is almost like kissing Kimberly."

From beneath hooded eyes, Sheela grinned back at him like the devil herself. "That's right, _Ronnie_. It _is _almost like kissing Kimberly."

Even through his ruddy makeup, Ronnie began to blush brightly. "Heh-heh. Oops…"

Sheela softly whispered in his ear, "_Busted_…"

Kimberly was delighted in more than one way when she overheard Sir Donald's faux pas, although she was much less so with the passionate kiss, which she promised she would speak with Sheela about later. Neither Kimberly nor Sir Xerox could have possibly helped but notice _that_, and they both looked on with barely concealed jealousy. And her suspicions had finally been confirmed as to the knight's true identities. But now what? As Kimberly and Zorpox turned toward the other, their eyes locked. For several moments, they continued to gaze deeply into the other's eyes. The moment of truth had finally arrived.

They both paused, their respective reasons and desires for the impending kiss being quite different, and none being particularly honorable. Would the Good Girl who liked Bad Boys finally cave, and allow her jellin' to get the best of her, or would she now immediately confront the villain's subterfuge? Would the Bad Boy who had just apparently lost out to the Geek now desire a kiss out of revenge for being jilted, or would he avoid the lipsmack and win the bet? The much too overused trope of time seemingly standing still nevertheless stayed them both, as they each considered their next response…

* * *

_Well, it's decision time for the two young avatars. And when the truth finally comes out, will anything ever be the same again, or will all be forgiven? Stay tuned for the answer in the final chapter to our little soap opera: _"_To Cave, Or Not to Cave,_"_ or, _"_Hot Lips and Burning Questions!_"

_To Be Concluded… Really, this time!_


	5. Act II, Scene 2 and Finale

_Thanks to all who have read and reviewed so far, especially CajunBear73, Katsumara, readerjunkie and Reader101w. And now for the angelic conclusion…_

* * *

Lt. Barkin had already noticed the huge smooch between Sir Donald and Sheela. His eyes widened as he awaited the kiss between Sir Xerox and Kimberly which would signal his victory, proving that all women were ultimately fickle. He licked his lips in anticipation and looked on like some kind of malevolent demigod from a Wagner opera, and nearly broke out then and there in gloriously evil song. But he quickly thought better of it, not wanting to spoil the moment.

"_Besides, my German isn't so good. Someone might think I was having a heart attack and call for Bon-Bon's Paramed Services…"_

But before the disguised Zorpox could plant the kiss that would ironically signify both his success with Kimberly as well as losing his bet with Lt. Barkin, Kimberly gently raised a finger and put it to his lips.

"Thanks, Sir Xerox. It's been a great night, but this evening has only made me realize how much I truly love my fiancé, Ronnie. And I would never, _ever_ do anything to betray that."

With half-opened eyes, she added in a husky whisper, "No matter _how_ tempted I am at the moment."

So instead of the expected full kiss on the lips, she merely gave him a quick peck on the cheek. But as she broke away from the obviously frustrated knight, she tasted something weird, licking her lips with disgust. She immediately noticed a clear lip print on Sir Xerox's face where his makeup had just come off. Beneath the smudge, a faintly blue color shown through.

Kim smiled in triumph. "Well, Sir Xerox. Or should I say _Zorpox_? Not quite your shade of concealer?"

Lt. Barkin growled under his breath in frustration. "Nice going, Sir Xerox. Just like the engagement at Zesta Punta in '69…"

He quickly tapped his wrist communicator and hissed, "Bon-Bon, do you copy? Land the Eagle! Repeat, _Land the Eagle!_"

Bon-Bon swiftly acknowledged the code word and replied, "Roger that, Lieutenant. Eagle preparing to land." She nodded to the pilot, who began his descent.

At once, the roar of an aircraft was heard outside of the Officer's Club. More precisely, a Global Justice hoverjet. Bon-Bon quickly debarked from the craft, rushed into the reception hall and breathlessly announced, "Ronnie and Zorpox have just returned from Yamanouchi!"

Lt. Barkin turned to the two knights and loudly growled, "Now that Kimberly and Sheela's fiancés have returned, you knights better make tracks, especially if their training in the mystical monkey arts is now complete. As strong as you both are, neither of you would stand a chance against them in combat now, which is probably what would happen if you two stick around any longer."

Taking the rather large hint, Sir Donald jumped up and exclaimed, "Methinks we've been had, Sir Xerox! Exit, stage right!" And without another word, they quickly disappeared with a bright flash.

Kimberly angrily turned to Barkin. "Okay, Lieutenant! Now that we've seen through your little game, what's the sitch here, exactly? Spill!"

Sheela bared her claws and grabbed the lapel of Lt. Barkin's formal uniform. "Yeah, we're all ears, Barkin. Unless of course you'd like me to make some serious alterations to your uniform. Or _worse_."

She used a single claw to slice open a long vent down the front of his uniform jacket.

Beads of sweat appeared on his forehead as he stumbled out a reply. "Uh. ladies, I can explain. There's really a very simple explanation for all of this."

Sheela glared dangerously back at him. "We're all ears."

He glanced over at the entrance to the dining hall and breathed a quick sigh of relief.

"Well, ladies, you can start by turning around."

They both spun around just as Ronnie and Zorpox entered the room, now without their helmets, false beards and mustaches. They both wore sheepish smiles, realizing what was probably just about to happen.

Kimberly looked at Ronnie with daggers in her eyes, which, at that moment, could have easily sliced the Lotus Blade in two. "Ronnie, you got some _splainin' to do!_"

Clearly chagrined at having his subterfuge exposed, Ronnie nervously rubbed the back of his neck and shyly replied, "_Heh-heh_. Uh, yeah, Kimberly, I know. But just one question first. How did you two figure this all out?"

"I got suspicious after a dream I had about you two. You both looked way too familiarish in spite of your disguises. So I checked with the Wade angel who did some searching for us. He discovered that the GJ hoverjet you two left on only traveled twenty miles due west before taking a roundabout course back to Middleton, which tipped us off that neither of you ever made it to Yamanouchi."

Ronnie grimaced. "Ooh. Busted…"

"So we both decided to play along until we discovered the _real_ reason behind your little hoax."

Sheela continued, "Yeah, but Wade's devil avatar almost blew it when he threatened to tip you guys off. But we bought him off with a case of soda and an all-you-can eat coupon at Bueno Nacho."

Zorpox surmised, "So, you two suspected something even before the reception, hmm? And devised a plot to trick us? How, how devious! I'm impressed!"

With a sneer, he turned to Lt. Barkin. "See? Our faith in our fiancées loyalty remains unbroken."

He shot a disapproving look at Sheela and Ronnie. "Well, _almost_."

They both grinned back guiltily.

Kimberly cut to the chase. "So, now down to the nitty-gritty details. What's the whole sitch?"

Ronnie began, "Well, _ahem_, Lt. Barkin bet us $100 worth of Smarty Mart Bonus Bucks that he could prove that you and Sheela were both fickle, just like all other women. We'd masquerade as the Knights of Rodigan, and he'd win if both of you gave in and gave us a willing kiss on the lips. But we had to be convincing and, uh, not hold anything back, or else the bet would be off."

Kimberly looked shocked for a moment. "So, you both had total faith in us, but were willing to impersonate two totally hot knights in shining armor to tempt us?"

Sheela continued dangerously, "Even though you knew that we'd eventually find out and risk facing our unbridled wrath?"

Something suddenly clicked in Kimberly's mind. "Ronnie, that's probably the most weirdly romantic thing you've ever done. And you've sure done some real spankin' things in the past, but this one takes the grand prize."

Now it was Ronnie's turn to look shocked. He pulled self-consciously at his tight uniform collar. "Um, so, uh, all is forgiven?"

Kimberly beamed back at him. "No big. C'mere, you handsome hunk of knight, you! You may not be a Bad Boy, but you can sure impersonate one pretty well."

She took him in her arms and gave him one of the most passionate kisses that had ever been exchanged between avatars of any inclination.

After coming up for air, she breathed huskily into his ear, "Now, if you dare say something stupid like, _"Wow, this is almost like kissing Sheela,"_ I'll just have to kill you where you stand. Clear?"

Without a word, he sheepishly nodded as they both dived into another deep kiss.

Zorpox gave Sheela a disparaging look. "So, did you enjoy your kiss with, with _Sir Galahad_?"

With a saucy flick of her tail, Sheela purred back, "As a matter of fact, yes. He was a gentleman right up to the very end. You could actually learn a thing or two from Ronnie about romance, y'know. And I _also_ enjoyed getting your goat since I already knew exactly who was who. So maybe you'll learn to be a little nicer to me in the future, and not take me for granted."

Zorpox's face softened slightly. "So, some of my deviousness apparently has rubbed off on you _after_ all, hmm? And I get the feeling now that you'll _never_ learn your place, will you?"

Sheela grinned back. "Uh-huh."

He returned her grin with one of his own. "You _slut_."

Sheela instantly melted, looking up at him dreamily. "Ooh, Zorpy, you _know_ how I love it when you talk dirty to me. C'mere, sexy!"

Sheela embraced him, kissing him passionately. His ardor ever increasing, she surrendered to him in ecstasy as she felt his swelling manhood pressing against her blossoming ...

_(Editor's note: The next scene has been deleted as it would have risked increasing this story's rating to M. Sorry, just use your imagination…)_

Ronnie and Kimberly finally disengaged from their gentle embrace. His face now smeared with Kimberly's lip gloss, Ronnie sighed as he glanced back in relief at Lt. Barkin.

"Well, Lt. B, we gave it our best shot, but you lost."

Barkin thoughtfully scratched his chin as he tried to think of a way to eke out at least a minor victory.

"Well, it looks to me like Sheela planted a nice, big wet one on Ronnie, and Zorpox even managed to get a peck on the cheek, so…"

Zorpox frowned as he shook his head in disagreement. "_Ohhh_ _no_, my dear Lieutenant. The deal was for two willing kisses, full on the lips. And, and that didn't happen! We win, you lose! _Ah booyah-ha-ha-hah!_"

Lt. Barkin finally bowed his head, resigning himself to defeat. But as he never liked to lose, he would exercise his one last option, if only out of spite. He turned to Bon-Bon with an evil grin that told her that she had just lost too.

With anger on her face, she spat back, "Oh, no you don't, Barkin! I did everything you asked, and _then_ some! I've _earned_ that final college credit, and there's no way I'm going to let you get away with denying me that!"

She continued in a white hot rage that she hadn't felt since the first time he'd axed her hopes of graduating. "And if you don't sign off on my last unit _this_ time, I'll, I'll…"

She paused as she tried to think of the worst thing she could do to him, her mind swimming with the infinite possibilities born of simply being, well, Bon-Bon. Lt. Barkin silently realized that this time, his last strong card might just be trumped by her incredible anger. But he grit his teeth, deciding that if he had to go down in defeat, he'd at least take her with him.

He growled back, "Go ahead, Bon-Bon. Do your worst. You don't seem to realize that _I_ don't have anything to lose now, either."

A voice spoke from directly behind them. "Oh, is that so?"

Everyone spun around upon hearing that unmistakably evil, yet sultry voice. Kimberly and Sheela instantly crouched into a defensive stance while everyone else froze in total fear.

All except for Zorpox, who simply folded his arms and replied with a sneer, "Ah! My erstwhile sidekick, hmm, _returneth_?"

Before them stood Shego's evil avatar. Green flames danced all over her lithe, sensuous form, even more fearsome yet just as intensely desirable as the original. Her highly polished silver horns reflected her plasma's shimmer, and her green, forked tail flicked dangerously back and forth.

"Hey, Zorpox," she easily began.

Lt. Barkin stood transfixed as he gazed deeply into her eyes, behind which flickered tiny red flames. He swallowed convulsively, sensing that he might as well have been staring directly into the pits of Hell itself.

Kimberly and Sheela simultaneously uttered, "What are _you_ doing here, Shego?"

Surprised, they looked at each other and blurted out, "_Jinx!_ You owe me a soda!" The two female avatars broke out in giggles as everyone suddenly relaxed.

The tension now broken, Shego just rolled her eyes and muttered, "You two sure know how to ruin an entrance, don't you? Anyway, everyone just stay calm, I'm not here to make any trouble. It's just that I thought Lt. Barkin here might be interested in seeing... an old friend."

The angelic Miss Go stepped out from behind the villainous avatar. As prim and proper as Shego's devil was outlandishly evil, she was the quintessential vision of loveliness.

Her pale green face began to blush as she first looked down at the floor, then coyly back at Lt. Barkin.

"Hi, Stevie. Miss me?"

Lt. Barkin was totally flummoxed and for a moment, speechless.

"Sh-Sheila? Is that really you?"

She smiled back warmly. "Yes, it's really me. And we have some catching up to do. As well as providing you with an explanation for my disappearance…"

She shot Shego an unhappy look. Shego simply shrugged in response.

"Nerdlinger's angel convinced me to try getting you two back together. Something about keeping cosmic forces in balance, or something goofy like that."

Bon-Bon now cautiously asked, "So, Lt. Barkin, does this mean I get my final credit after all? Lieutenant? _Lieutenant?_"

Lt. Barkin gave Bon-Bon an imperceptible nod as he turned to Miss Go. Gently taking her arm, they slowly walked together out of the Officer's Club.

Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief as Ronnie posed the last burning yet hopeful question, "So, uh, all is forgiven, and are all of our engagements still on?"

Zorpox looked expectantly at Sheela. Even Shego looked hopeful at the thought.

Kimberly began, "Well, as long as we don't ever have a repeat of the last few days, and I mean _ever_, I'm game. Sheela?"

Kim's devilish avatar nodded, flicking her tail in agreement. "Sounds good to me. I've always liked happy endings, myself."

Kimberly also agreed. "Spankin!"

* * *

A few weeks later, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable were wed, overseen by a media circus without precedence in broadcast history. Not covered, however, was a similar quiet service at the local Justice of Angelic Peace uniting the two pairs of young avatars.

"Do you, Ronnie Dean Stoppable and Kimberly Ann Possible, take each other to be your lawfully wedded avatars, until the end of time?"

They dreamily replied, "We do."

"I now pronounce you both Avatar and Avataress."

He then turned to the other pair. "And do you, Zorpox the Conquorer and Sheela of the Leopard People, take each other to be your lawfully wedded avatars, until Hell freezes over?"

They lasciviously replied, "We do."

"Then I pronounce you both Devil and Devilicious."

Both ecstatic couples enjoyed their first kiss as married avatars as the small entourage applauded.

Even Lt. Barkin, who had volunteered to be the witness to the ceremony, smiled and applauded politely. Next to him sat the lovely Miss Go, who now sported an engagement ring on her finger.

He got up and approached the newlyweds. "Congratulations, people. Oh, and here's something for both of you."

As the Lieutenant handed both Ronnie and Zorpox a $50 Smarty Mart gift certificate, he added with a touch of sarcasm, "Don't spend it all in one place."

Miss Go giggled as both avatars looked at their gifts.

Ronnie whined, "Hey, I thought the wager was for $100 _each_?"

Kimberly quickly calmed him down. "Don't look a gift avatar in the mouth, Ronnie. It's no big."

"Yeah, you're right," he groused. Suddenly perking up, he remembered, "Hey! The reception's probably already started over at Bueno Nacho! Let's fly!"

And with a loud pop, all the avatars disappeared to join the real Kim and Ron at their nuptial festivities.

* * *

Later that night, at Dizzy Debbie's Angelic Honeymoon Suites, Zorpox and Sheela lay next to each other engaged in some contented pillow talk.

Sheela purred, "Mmm, that was just amazing, Zorpy. And you seemed so much less in a hurry and _much_ more like a gentlemen than usual."

She gave his nose a playful tweak. "Maybe a little of Ronnie has rubbed off on you after all."

Zorpox graced her with an almost Ronnish-like smile. "Hmm. Yes, well, perhaps so, my little kitten."

"I just hope a little of _you_ has rubbed off on him as well. Kimberly always has had a thing for the Bad Boys, and it would be a shame if after waiting for so long, that…"

She was interrupted by a scream of absolute ecstasy from the next suite. Kimberly was suddenly heard singing at the top of her lungs, and hitting all the high notes perfectly to boot.

"_Ahhhh! Sweet Mystery of Life, At Last I've Fouuuund You…_"

Zorpox grumbled, "You were saying, my dear?"

Sheela chuckled, "Don't complain, Zorpy. At least it's not Lt. Barkin doing the singing this time…"

* * *

_And as the saying goes, they all lived happily ever after. Well, for the most part at least, but that's, well, another story. And as we all know, Angels Are Like That, fallen or otherwise… _

_**Finis**_


End file.
